Opening Up

4 Oct

For those of you who keep track of my posts on here, you might be aware that I haven’t been regularly updating this blog. The main reason is college. Juggling school work, eating, and socializing…there never seems to be any time for what I love most (which is writing). This past month has been so crazy that I even started to stray away from my faith.

Earlier last week I became so immensely stressed out with school and family obligations that I had a breakdown. So while my roommates was at class, I took out my purple (the color of stability and energy) yoga mat, put some Kim Walker on and just sat there.

I did this for about 30 minutes. Completely and totally surrounded by music I love and I tried to reconnect with God. I focused simply on begging for forgiveness and asking for strength. I didn’t cry. I didn’t think about my English paper that was due or that cute guy that gave me his number.

The only thing I was feeling was guilt.

Guilt for putting everything ahead of God, not making time for him. I was more focused on boys and school than I was Him. And my spiritual mind paid for the consequences.

I was mentally torn down.

After I was done, I continued with my school and I slowly started to feel disconnected with God again. I was praying and everything. But I wasn’t going to church. I wasn’t hanging around anyone who shared my faith.

To make matters worse, my grandfather’s funeral was on Tuesday.

I couldn’t make it due to school obligations. My parents were accepting of this excuse but being my typical brother, he was giving me immense crap about it. I felt horrible all day.

Later that evening however, I had to interview two people for an assignment. After I finished, the guy I was interviewing (let’s call him “Steve”) wondered if he could ask me a few questions. I willingly said yes.

What came out of his mouth next was shocking to me, yet at the same time I was so happy.

“Are you religious” he asked. I said yes and he wanted to know what I believed in. I told him that I was spiritual (all the views of a Christian, but without a name).

He then asked what I believe happens after we die….and of course I believe we go to heaven, but as my faith is still growing, there is a little part of me that questions what really happens…so I told him I am 89% positive that there is a heaven.

“Steve” then proceeded to tell me about his faith, obviously trying to connect with me on some level….trying to reach out to non-believers. At this point I was grinning ear to ear (even though I tried to keep a straight face). I was jumping for joy on the inside, knowing that there is someone else on my dorm floor that believes what I do.

Then he invited me to a weekly campus church event and proceeded to say that many of the people on the floor attend. Of course I said yes…and even invited my roommates. I then immediately had to call my mother.

You know how they say God works in mysterious ways? Well if I didn’t have school going on, I would have gone to that funeral. And I would not have had that discussion with “Steve”.

God really did help me this week…and I feel so blessed and humble about the whole situation.



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